


The Great High Temple

by A_Damned_Scientist



Category: Farscape
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 20:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5179187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Damned_Scientist/pseuds/A_Damned_Scientist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I reckon we should just tell ‘em there was nothing here,” Chiana said to John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great High Temple

**Author's Note:**

> Setting sometime in Season 2. No particular warnings. 
> 
> Another old Starburst Challenge fic. A bit cracky, but in my defence, this is what the Goddess gave me to write after several glasses of fellip nectar, enjoyed at the Great High Temple, and she wasn’t going to give me anything else. I hope you enjoy it anyway.
> 
> Thanks: To Vinegardog for the beta-read.
> 
> Disclaimer: Totally, totally not mine.

“I’ve found it!” Zhaan exclaimed, bubbling with enthusiasm as she rushed onto Moya’s command.

D’Argo and Aeryn glanced across at each other and exchanged a wearisome look which spoke of camaraderie amongst fellow soldiers born in the face of adversity. 

“Found what?” D’Argo asked, speaking for them both.

“The Lost High Temple of The Goddess!” Zhaan pronounced, jutting out her jaw as though to signify her disgust, perhaps at their lack of understanding, perhaps at their lack of knowledge about such important things. “The coordinates were among the notes Stark left us!” 

“Pfft!” Rygel replied. “So, just another pile of rubbish?” He turned and exited Command as quickly as his throne would carry him, his flounce making his position clear to all. Aeryn struggled to suppress a snort of amusement. D’Argo wasn’t so subtle. Zhaan’s complexion turned dark blue.

“The Goddess,” Zhaan spun to face D’Argo as she launched into an earnest lecture, intended to educate and enlighten the ignorant warrior. “Embodies peace, tranquillity and wisdom.” Aeryn shrugged a shoulder, indicating she could not give a single frell, and turned her attention back to her console, a response which Zhaan fortunately missed. “Virtues which you would surely benefit a great deal from developing, Ka D’Argo.” 

Zhaan turned back towards Aeryn and strode towards her second, errant intended pupil. 

“The Goddess is beauty and grace!” Aeryn shrugged her disinterest again and this time Zhaan saw her do so. The priestess seemed to bristle with indignation. “The Goddess also knows when and how to employ more forceful measures to achieve her ends.” She added with a hint of threat. Aeryn straightened up and rolled her jaw as though readying for a fight.

“Ha!” D’Argo snorted in laughter, distracting the two women from proceeding directly to fisticuffs. “That all sounds a bit like Aeryn, to me,” he chuckled. Zhaan shot him a fuming glance over her shoulder to accompany the sneer which Aeryn shot his way.

“You could learn much from a study of the Seek!” Zhaan snapped at D’Argo. She turned back towards Aeryn, who once more appeared thoroughly engrossed by what was on her console.

“I have the coordinates for the planet, my dear.” The Delvian oozed supercilious charm from every stomata. “So if you would be so kind as to…”

Aeryn snatched the flimsy from Zhaan and peered at it for a few microts. “This is a couple of weekens out of our way! We’re supposed to be heading for Zangblat Nine to…”

“I will NOT allow us to be delayed!” D’Argo blustered, his previous amused impatience giving way to rage. “Have you forgotten that my son was seen on that planet!” He was fuming now, and Zhaan was fuming right back at him.

“Some things are more important than your petty, wordly concerns!” Zhaan responded, turning again to square up to the giant Luxan.

Aeryn quickly interposed herself between the two. With John and Chiana off of Moya on a long resupply mission she suddenly felt that it was her duty to step into the human’s preposterously oversized shoes to try to prevent the others from actually hurting each other.

“Hey, hey!” She addressed them, unknowingly mimicking the absent Crichton. “Look, I checked over the coordinates Zhaan gave me and I think Crichton and Chiana could divert there…”

“I will not wait!” D’Argo interrupted. “If my son is…!”

“And they can still meet us at Zangblat Nine.” Aeryn continued, addressing him in her calmest voice.

“And what will that accomplish, child?” Zhaan looked down her nose at Aeryn.

“Simple,” Aeryn replied, the very voice of the calm peacemaker, even if she did feel like hitting the Delvian. “If there’s anything there then they can check it out and let us know. Then we can all go back later.” When she saw that Zhaan was about to disagree she hurriedly continued. “The temple will still be there in a monen, D’Argo’s son most likely will not.”

Zhaan and D’Argo glared at each other for a few more microts while Aeryn looked from one to the other. “Hmm?” she questioned their acceptance of her proposed compromise with an arch of her eyebrows.

“Very well.” Zhaan broke first, like a cat losing a staring contest. “For the sake of D’Argo… and his son…”

“Fine.” Aeryn responded, relaxing slightly. “I’ll get Pilot to call John.”

‘~’

“So, this is the place?” Crichton asked, stretching his arms and back as he stepped out of the pod, working out the kinks of a couple of days of relative confinement.

“Looks like a dump,” Chiana grumbled, kicking at a random piece of garbage, lying at the foot of the steps.

“Hey, play nice. If Zhaan is right, this place is the home of the High Temple of The Goddess.” John wrinkled his nose at something not quite right. “The most sacred place in all…” he trailed off as he cast a doubtful gaze around their surroundings.

“Yeah, I get it,” Chiana chuckled. “Looks more like Lo Mo the day after a monen-long party to me.” She extravagantly sidestepped an unattended pavement pizza to illustrate her point. “And I reckon everyone’s still too hezzed to clean up…”

“Ah well.” John shrugged. “Better find out who’s sleeping in baby bear’s bed.” Chiana side-eyed him. He grinned at her and she returned the smile. He checked his hand-held computer. “C’mon, the sat-nav says it’s this way.”

‘~’

“Well slap my ass and call me Shirley,” Crichton exclaimed somewhat inexplicably as they stepped inside the main chamber of the temple. 

“Weird…..!” Chiana exclaimed, staring around her with wide eyed disbelief. 

This certainly seemed to be the place, albeit not quite the place they had been expecting.

Numerous statues dotted the room, showing The Goddess in various poses and states of dress and undress. Murals of The Goddess adorned the walls and ceilings, leaving scarcely a dench uncovered with depictions of her performing all sorts of acts, some fair, some foul. The center of the room was dotted with pews, of a sort, arranged around tables so that the worshippers could form small groups, maybe in order to study the many and varied depictions of the Goddess. Beside each set of pews sat a bucket, the purpose of which was unclear to John or Chiana. 

Only a small group of hardened worshippers seemed to be present, and they were all in a single huddle in the center of the room – so far, they hadn’t seemed to notice the newcomers. They were busy with their own business, although what that might be neither John nor Chiana could ascertain. Perhaps they were praying?

John and Chiana made their way deeper into the temple, towards the High Altar, a long elaborate affair made of polished wood and burnished metal standing just over waist high. Behind the altar was arrayed an elaborate arrangement of glass, metal and liquids. The whole effect, excepting the statues and murals, reminded John somewhat of a bar back on Earth.

They made their way around the set of pews at which the small group of worshippers were gathered. As John approached he couldn’t help but think that they looked a right bunch of reprobates. Most were vaguely humanoid, whilst a couple resembled dapperly dressed giant lupines. They were discussing something which, from the snippets they overheard, sounded as though it might be unrepeatable in polite company. 

“... stuck her tongue right down his…”

“… probably following them around… to watch…”

John steered Pip quickly past them. 

“Phwoar, did you see how he filled out those leather pants?” That last utterance sounded louder, as though it might have been directed at him. He glanced back at them, and at least one shot him what looked like either a hopeful or a star-struck smile. John speed up his pace, hurrying away from the unnerving group of worshippers onwards towards the altar.

A dozen likenesses of a familiar-looking face gazed at them from behind the bar. In one The Goddess was scowling, in another frowning, in a third, smiling broadly. Radiantly, even. 

“You know what Pip?” John pulled back one of the many stools lining the altar and offered it to Chiana. “I reckon mum’s the word when we get back to Moya.”

“Huh?” Chiana frowned in incomprehension of John’s latest weird vocalisation as she climbed up onto the proffered stool.

“I don’t think we should tell either of them…. Zhaan would just freak out knowing her Goddess was…. She just wouldn’t…”

“Or Aeryn,” Chiana agreed, indicating they should keep knowledge of this place from the former Peacekeeper, too. “She’d’ be…”

“She’d blow a fuse…” John gave a firm nod at the mere thought of how Aeryn would take being told the truth behind the identity of The Goddess. 

“I reckon we should just tell ‘em there was nothing here,” Chiana gave a sharp nod, agreeing with herself. John peered at her for a moment, amazed at how perceptive the young Nebari could be sometimes. 

“Great plan,” John nodded his agreement back at her as he squinted at one of the more imaginative murals behind the bar, as though trying to work something out about it. Eventually he came to a decision. “Do you reckon Aeryn would…?” John’s voice trailed off as he pointed at the image.

“You could always ask her…” Chiana snorted in amusement. “If you really wanna get your teeth knocked out.”

“Hey!” John was about to respond to Chiana’s remark when a shadow fell across them both, a huge newcomer blocking out the light spilling from behind the altar.

“Greetings, travellers, you look in dire need of refreshment,” greeted the High Priest, stepping between John and the mural he had been contemplating. The giant newcomer, dressed from head to tail in an outfit which resembled nothing more than a double-breasted suit, flashed the visitors a disturbingly toothsome smile. 

“Hey?” John waved back with some trepidation, his voice a nervous squeak.

“Welcome to the Temple of Our Beloved Raven Haired Goddess.” The giant creature replied, unperturbed by his effect on John. “Otherwise known as Moe’s Bar. Now, what can I get you two to drink?”

 

The End


End file.
